The signs were there. Messages kept popping up all over. My blinders needed to be removed. I sensed a shift but too often I held to the familiar. It was like the message was saying, “Come to the light,” but I kept just putting my toe in the ocean when the entire ocean of consciousness was calling me.
My next step to the calling was to say, “Yeah what do you want.” You know with the tone of “you are bothering me.” I was actually somewhat flippant to this inner voice because my mind was thinking this voice is always yakking at me. That mind was the ego-mind that doesn’t like any intrusions on its reign of control.
“All right already, what is it now,” was my next barrier to the light that was poking at me. I was still being run by the ego at the helm. Then I began to listen and the higher mind said ok this is where we connect with the infinite and eternal, this is the soul’s source making itself available. Just a minute I thought, what are YOU doing hanging out with me - my ego-mind in self-doubt reappears. Then I (of my higher nature) allowed the words to come in more deeply. In the now of quiet contemplation I thought I am having a moment of awakening. This was a very reassuring insight.
Then I went off to sleep with the thought that I can live in connection with Spirit, the intelligent creative force of the Universe. This idea brought a great sense of hope for me.
Next thing I need to share is that I have great difficulty with the word God even though I wrote an entire book about God (coming out soon). The word God has been misused in so many ways that I almost can’t say it. I think of wars in the name of God, arrogant leaders using God as their reason for acting the way they do, religious extremists who kill in the name of God, TV evangelist who become rich using God’s name, people who think God’s on their side in a football game, worse of all are the many who claim to do God’s work but fill their days with their ego agendas, and on and on and on. So many have done terrible things in the name of God. So I won’t use God here but this connection I am making certainly feels Divine in its nature.
When I woke up this morning, the sense of this great energy filled me with light. I let myself sink into the place of just being receptive. I got clear guidance that I was being asked to join with Spirit in all aspects of my life. Asked I guess because of free will or because I had been so reluctant.
How do I now integrate this higher level of Spirit realization? I am clearly guided by this inner voice even as I write in this moment. I will benefit most by being in the now, being mindful of the present moment. Even in noticing this next breath I am present to this greater knowing. Now I have the opportunity to listen, practice, and expand into the full realization that I am Spirit poured into human form.
As I come back the next day to edit this I realize this awakening will mean that I have to figure out how to be in the world and not caught up in it; how to interact with and express Spirit as I go about the ways of daily living? This is much more complicated than I had hoped. As I have read in the stories of awakened individuals, insight and light can be powerful but integrating them into life can take years. In daily practice, I find my mind often so preoccupied that I am not even in contact with my higher nature or any voice of Spirit.
I now feel like this is what happens, I have been blessed, through 30 years of inner practices, with many deep moments of insight, unity consciousness, expanded awareness and then I tend to push these moments of light back out of my view so I can return to the groove of the familiar. This has made me rich in insights but poor in integration. I am working with how to stay present to my higher knowing, be as fully here and now as I can be in each moment.
What also is true is that my ego-mind is fighting these new possibilities because it knows the end of its rule is near. Not the ego of “boy I am somebody” but the ego of “you don’t know what is going on so do what you know.” This is the urge to move into the safety of the groove of the familiar.
More as I learn more.